I lost the CDs to my tablet. :[
So it won't work.

And looking back over my life, this is moronic. Yes. Can't believe I've had that thing for almost two years.

Another thing.

The guy. The married guy. He lives only an hour away from me. We finally got a chance to meet up again, and it was so strange. I've had so much happen over this past few months that I just had lost it... and then when he wrapped me in a hug, I thought to myself, should I be feeling more? Every moment I'm thinking that he has a wife a mile away that probably is wondering where the hell he is. Every moment, as his hands encircle my throat, and he tugs me close for a kiss, I'm thinking, is this the way he behaves with her even now? He tells me they fight all the time, he tells me they constantly argue, that she drinks and leaves her son at home while she goes out and has fun. His best friend, a friend [or former friend] of mine has told me never to speak to him again... or he'll kill me. :] Isn't that pleasant? Since I knew he was married, I haven't done anything with him...

but being with him, it reminded me of the flirtation of silence, the smiles exchanged, knowing each other... I reached over to touch his cheek, felt how he'd only just shaved not long ago, the smoothness, the vague roughness... I reached out and ran my hand over his his. He has soft skin... which isn't at all strange for a guy, I think.

October 16th, I entered into a mutually NSA relationship. I'm like that. Don't hate me. =/ Actually, it was my first attempt at one, but of course, I'm an emotionally starved person, so I fucked up. Or so he says. I'm too emotional, he says, after telling me he wants to date me... and then he tells me after waking up with me, "I woke up this morning, and it just hit me. I don't care enough about you to date you." Which is all good, but all the promises he made. I can't stop thinking about it, because I don't know what I did wrong. I want to catch him somewhere, back him into a corner, and make him tell me. It wasn't that I was over emotional. I was nothing but happy with him. Do I smile too much? Do I laugh too much? Am I too passionate about EVERYTHING? Maybe that's what it is. He's quiet. He's not so emotionally involved in things around him. I throw myself into everything I do. I love without hesitation.

October 30th was when he told me that. Most people would say, hey, its only 2 weeks of your life, but some people make a lasting impact, or maybe its the fact that I don't know WHAT I did WRONG. I know I did. He told me I didn't when I asked... and then he goes and tells me I'm too emotional, that's my problem. It can't be that. I only got emotional AFTER he broke up with me. WTF?

Then, the married guy came back into my life. Of course, that screwed up everything. Because he has been in my life for ... well, a long time. This effin sucks.

I just want to know where I'm headed. But life is looking up otherwise. I am going to college.

Next semester's schedule is looking fun.

Classes are all on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
From 9am - 1pm.

9am - Argument-Based Research
10am - American History 1
11am - Public Speaking
12pm - General Psychology

No school Tuesdays or Thursdays, so I can party after work Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. :] Yay!

And SATURDAY nights are going to be my FAVE.
No work on Tuesday or Thursday either... but yes on Saturday, but not only later in the evening, plenty of recovery time. I think I'm about to dive off the edge. So what if I party for a while. Its what I SHOULD do. I'm entitled to a few parties. I've survived this long.

Alabama Slammers! Here I come!
Forget Sex on the Beach.
Forget LIT's.
Forget Rum & Coke [though its good with lime!]
Forget Arnold Palmers.
Forget Margaritas.

I'm about to find out what college life is all about... apart from the academics. :]